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Today is our 4th Wedding Anniversary, our 2nd since D-Day. Last year we went in a trip for this and even though it’s ended up being a great holiday it should never happened for our wedding Anniversary. In fact after advice from all on here I told him then that we should just ignore the fact it was our anniversary.

Well today is different, he has organised a small night out but again I feel blah about it. I got up super early to go for a run to avoid seeing him before work and slept on the couch because the thought of this day just makes me feel sick and sad (and I didn’t want him seeing me cry).

Why is this still so hard???? Leading up to today I have been fine and not dwelling on it at all but then last night it just hit me. Another year in a ‘fake’ marriage has gone by and I’m still here questioning my choices on staying.

Sometimes, anniversaries of signal events can affect you in ways that we aren't aware of. It's still kind of early days for you yet, so please give yourself some grace. This is hard.

I hope you're able to enjoy your day a little more, but don't beat yourself up for not being happy, happy, joy, joy about the day.

Nothing wrong with what you’re feeling. You married each other with the promise that each of you will forsake all others. He decided that he would break that, thus the fundamental principle of your marriage has been broken. Why would the anniversary mean something at this point?

To me, one of the key elements of marriage is not being with anyone else ever. When you get married, you both give up the freedom to be with anyone else, gladly, because it’s a fundamental principle of being married. Even though you have chosen to reconcile, that aspect has forever been broken.

Your anniversary isn’t a celebration of each other right now, and it’s not your fault.

Don’t worry about what you feel, it’s ok. You chose to marry and be faithful, and you’re hurt deeply because he didn’t.

Don’t be upset about not being sure if you want to stay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having doubts after an affair, and you have every right to call it whenever you want. You don’t have to do anything right now. When you’re ready, whatever decision you make, you will know what is best for you.

Birthdays and anniversaries are so hard. They are supposed to be celebrations of people you cherish, but it's hard to do that when you've been betrayed.

I'll also add that you don't need to go out tonight. Honor your feelings and tell him no. He might be sad, but so are you, and stuffing it down (like not letting him see you cry) isn't going to help make things better in the long run (ask me how I know).

** Member to Member **

He organized something for tonight. Did you commit to join him?

If so, it's not too late to back out.

If you didn't commit to joining him, my reco is to let him go on his own.

What do you have to do to stop agreeing to something you don't want?

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:28 PM, Thursday, April 24th]

I remember the anniversaries being hard. I didn't want to recognize them anymore and my xWS did. It became a point of contention with us. Have you told him how you feel about anniversaries now? Maybe down the line you will feel like celebrating them but if you are not feeling it I don't think you need to celebrate or recognize it.

I did commit to going out and was planned well in advance. We don’t really call it our anniversary anymore but more just the date of the start of a marriage that we are trying to save.

I ended up going and buying myself a new dress (shopping makes me happy 😂) and going. It was a new place I’d never been and had a wonderful view of the ocean and our city. I had a cocktail and relaxed.

While out we discussed how I felt so that also made me feel a bit better. We also ran into some old friends so sat with them for a bit then went home. Overall it was a nice night. Sometimes I have to force myself to do things I don’t feel like and to push through barriers.

Thank you all for your responses, this community is amazing.