NoStoneUnthrown (original poster new member #87031) posted at 11:42 PM on Sunday, February 8th, 2026
Without giving too many details, I’m the WP. We’re talking things out, and I’m in therapy and getting help from the VA now. I’m absolutely wracked with guilt over what I’ve done and how I handled things, I’m just in a position where I find myself looking for ways to prove to my partner A) how much I truly regret what I’ve done. B) show my partner that I want full openness and transparency. C) show her that I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready.
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 11:55 PM on Sunday, February 8th, 2026
All you can do is demonstrate all of those things. Over amd over and over and over again. For a long time. Recovering from an affair is t a sprint, it's a marathon, and on average takes 2 to 5 years for a BS to really start healing. True reconciliation can be a lifetime work in progress.
It's going to take time. Lots of time and consistent behaviors. Transparency, honesty, and remorse. There's no shortcut or grand gesture that's going to do it. Radical honesty on all fronts. No little white lies or stretching the truth about anything.
Truth tempered with compassion. There are ways to be honest and transparent without bludgeoning someone with the truth. If she asks questions about your affair, tell her the truth. Gently. Even, or especially, if it makes you look bad. If you think "this might be the last straw if I tell her," you might be right, but it will be so much worse if she finds out on her own later and you haven't told her. Do not trickle truth. That tactic can kill any chance you have.
Have you written a timeline of events?
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
