It's assertions like this that convince me you are completely misreading the exchange.
No. I don’t think I am at all. I read what you write and it falls flat.
though we likely share more common ground than you think.
I'm not so sure about this. You’re likely to have more in common with Morbs.
My post was written in response to someone’s actual, lived experience.
Imagine thinking you know what it takes to stabilize based on someone else’s experience. And you fight so hard to be understood as someone who "gets it" based on that. That’s the part that doesn’t land. You’re treating someone else’s trauma as if it gives you authority over the entire landscape of betrayal recovery.
Also—at the risk of repeating myself—no, I haven't experienced it directly. But film critics haven't made movies, and astrophysicists haven't all been to space. Outside perspective still carries weight.
Outside perspective can carry weight, sure. But those analogies don’t map onto trauma recovery. A film critic doesn’t need to make a movie to understand cinematography. An astrophysicist doesn’t need to go to space to understand physics. But betrayal trauma isn’t an academic field or a technical discipline.
They’re lived states.
Not something you "get" by vicariously observing what you perceive to be someone else’s lived state.
The nervous system response, the identity collapse, the attachment disruption, the cognitive fragmentation… those aren’t things you can analyze from the outside and fully grasp.
You keep trying to turn my correction into a "debate" about panic versus self‑esteem. That’s you convoluting the issue. I wasn’t debating you. I was telling you what the lived state is. You’re theorizing from the outside and treating that as equivalent to experience. It’s not. You’re arguing a model, I’m describing reality.
It’s exhausting to "debate" someone on a subject they theorize and oversimplify. It makes zero sense, but I would hate for you to poison a perfectly good well.
Like, you think the bargaining is an illusion. That shows just how little you know. Many people experience their WS as the walking dead. They grieve them. And grief has a process, many stages (bargaining is one of them), and bypassing that stage doesn’t make someone stronger, it sets the BS up for delayed collapse, unresolved attachment injury, and a longer recovery arc.
It's so ironic to me that this tumbled out of what I would have thought would be my least hot take. Basically drafting that a BS should see themselves as a prize and not be fearful of loosing a partner who betrayed them
You didn’t say that, though. You’ve got to be joking. You describe reconciliation as something "nobody with a shred of emotional maturity" would choose. Any post that declares an entire relational path as universally foolish is guaranteed to provoke disagreement. You use sweeping claims, not mild observations. You use inflammatory metaphors that guarantee emotional reactions. You present reconciliation as inherently self-disrespecting. That guarantees pushback.
You repeatedly frame your view as logical, objective, the only mature interpretation, while anyone who disagrees is lacking standards, emotional, fear‑based, or naive. That rhetorical posture invites debate, not consensus. You assume so much about how a BS feels while having zero lived experience. You truly cannot be that oblivious.
My hunch is you've made up your mind that I'm so sort of red pill adjacent burn the Witcher... So perhaps it would be beneficial for you to practice as you preach and open your mind.
No, I’ve made up my mind that your theories carry no weight. "Practice what you preach" doesn’t apply here, because I’m not rejecting your perspective, I’m rejecting the inaccuracy. If your hunch is built on inference rather than anything I actually said, then the misinterpretation isn’t evidence of my mindset, it’s evidence of yours.
The only things I don't appreciate are; arm chair psychoanalysis
That is laughable. It’s the foundation of almost everything you’ve written here. It rings hollow because it’s the very thing you rely on to make your arguments.
I've said it time and time again. I write the sort of things that would have been helpful to me when I was going through it because I felt that voice was lacking. I'm doing so now under the presumption I'm not a unicorn. I'd wager statistically I've got to be right in that presumption.
You weren’t a betrayed spouse. You didn’t experience betrayal trauma. You weren’t in the acute phase you’re trying to speak for. Writing what would have helped you in a situation you never lived doesn’t make your perspective representative. Your experience isn’t a template for BS, and treating it as one is exactly why your posts don’t land.
Soolers (apt name btw, seeing as it’s slang for discord…)
my thoughts too.
