SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 anf half years and we live together. I can see myself having a future with her and we discussed marriage and kids in the future.

But my world was shattered when I received an anonymous message on Facebook informing me that my girlfriend has been cheating with her co worker for over a year and they provided the name and told me to check her phone. So I waited until she fell asleep and checked her phone. Sure enough there were messages between then planning their next meet up. I woke her up and confronted her. Since then things have been strained at home and she promised me that it's over and she wants to work on our relationship..

Now few months later, the anonymous person reached out to me and told me that they still take long breaks in his car and are calling in sick at the same time and are obviously still involved

I don't know how to proceed from here as I lost hope.Has anyone found out that their SO continued affair after D-day?

Extremely common for a cheater to lie about going no contact. Have to tell you that if you were my son or best friend that I’d tell you to dump her and go find a partner who will love, honor, and cherish you. You aren’t married and have no kids. You are very young. Don’t waste your life with this woman.

Welcome to SI and sorry you're joining us. I'm going to refer you to the JFO (Just Found Out) forum. There are some posts pinned to the top of the page that are really good resources, as well as other posts that have bull's eye icons. The Healing Library is at the top of the site and is another excellent resource.

Yes, several members have found out that their WP (wayward partner) continued the affair. There are only a few that still post that had a successful R (reconciliation).

Please see a doctor and get checked for STDs/STIs as there are some nasty diseases out there. Also, if you're having trouble with anxiety, depression or sleeping, ask your doctor for some meds to help you through.

Dating is to check to see if you're compatible for M (marriage), and she's failed the girlfriend test. Do you really want to bank on her changing? R is hard work and both have to be in it 100%.

She needs IC (individual counseling) to work on becoming a safe partner. If you can, IC with a betrayal trauma specialist to help you work through the trauma.

She should read How To Help Your Spouse Heal After Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. Although written for married people, it's easy to adjust for non-married situations. It's a nice blueprint for a WP. Another good book is Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass. It's more fact-filled and has some great advice.

She needs to find a new job, pronto. She needs to provide you with a written timeline. Not just dates, but should include feelings, thought process, etc. Electronic transparency. And NC (no contact) with the AP (affair partner).

In the JFO forum, there are some posts regarding consequences. One thing to think about is what happens if she breaks one of your boundaries. What will happen then?

Sorry you're here and please keep posting.

This exact same post showed up on Reddit today except it was about "my boyfriend" instead of "my girlfriend".

There is often a discussion on this site – maybe even bordering on arguments – about the difference when people post as boyfriend/girlfriend versus husband/wife. I think it’s often a misunderstanding. The form of the relationship only says to how complex ending it might be. What matters more is the time spent and joint commitments.
Sorry – but if she has been unfaithful for a third of your time together and is still in regular contact with him... She has failed the girlfriend-phase. Take what positives you can from the past years and end THIS relationship.

The way that you respond is you tell her to leave and go live with her boy friend.

Brother you are being way too gullible about all of this. She is for the gutter, and you already know that.

Have some self-respect and tell her to leave and you are done.

In the end you will be better off.

[This message edited by BluesPower at 1:55 PM, Monday, April 28th]