SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Seconding what Letmebefrank said. Be honest with your sisters and be complete, so you know that they are in full possession of the facts. Those facts include your feelings - I think it's natural for you to want close family to take your side on this. Isn't that kind of the point of family, to have your back even if they have to make a small sacrifice?

With friends, I don't expect them to take sides, though I might choose to stop being as friendly with them if they continue to socialize with my ex. With family (especially close family), I apply a different standard. Cutting off family is a lot harder, and I'd want to give them a chance to make a choice before I cut them off.

That's probably why i had some anxiety about telling her, since she is family I probably couldn't deal with it if her reaction to the choices made would be disregarded.

Lil'sis is aware of the situation. I was planning on inviting her over and tell her in person but i chickened out and sent her a wall of text on the matter. I'll still see her today, but it felt really good to know that she now has the relevant info and can make choices based on that. I did shed a few tears of relief when se validated what i was feeling on the matter.

I think I'll let my big sister also read the same textwall so both of them are on the same page on the matter.

Back when I was worried about telling my parents, the MC said a thing which has stuck with me: she said I should give them the opportunity to show me grace. She framed it as if I was doing them a favor by telling them, and I've come to see that there's some truth in that. Letting ourselves be vulnerable and allowing them to demonstrate love and support is how we strengthen relationships.

I hope your big sis responds with as much grace as your lil sis.

Hi Lurker. Reading your posts I just wanted to add that I also have sisters and I have seen this from both sides now. As a sister who has a sister who divorced (years ago) with an abusive XH and now me as the sister divorced with a XWH. I was never friends with my sisters XH, but they were married for more than 10 years with children, and I remember being surprised that she was then at that point disclosing abuse after being married that long. It was upsetting to learn about it and trying to understand. Why did it take that long for her to come to terms with it? Why didn't she confide in me about the abuse years ago? Well, now I get it. It just does. It just is. It is hard to still believe that my sister's XH was abusive to her when I remember our family gatherings of years past. But, I know it is true. She told me that he was when she finally filed for divorce. I believe her. It is also hard for me to believe that my XWS is abusive - but, it is true. He is. Give your sister a chance and tell her the truth and that you're struggling with this. (Her maintaining a friendship with your X.) You don't have to give her every detail of what you have been through.

Told her about how i felt and reacted post-discovery.

I was under the impression that she did have the facts. Granted I did base it on the reply from my ex, since they according to her talked about everything. In retrospect the should have followed up on that. Trust but verify, I know. I know better now :)

I did make a point that what i talk about in regards to this/EA is from my side. And since i have a strong need for being honest i either skip parts that are my hypotheses on the matter and stay with verifiable facts and theories. Theories as in theories supported by facts and observations, not guesses.

It has been quite the emotional day's, it felt great to tell her and it was even better to know that she was happy that I am in a much better place now compared the when we had our fake-R going on. Yes, it hurt when we separated. Not because we separated but because i wasted so many years of my life trying to build with someone who isnt building with me.

As previously stated. This is mostly for my own benefit.

D-Day is approaching and i notice that it is affecting my headspace in a negative way.

Minor incidents between common friends but they have been cleared up to such a degree that i am ok with them.

But the approaching day, I would be an idiot if i didn't accept that this is the probable reason why I'm struggling right now.

Yes, the betrayal did happen. Yes, it hurt like hell.
Yes, I can (and will) survive and thrive.

Sisters know whats up, i word-vomit all kinds of random thoughts to them. I'm not really expecting perfect replies or anything. Just to get it out for even a bit.

I'm doing a lot of reading here, incase something would spark some insight that i hadn't even considered.

Working up the courage to tell a few more friends about how I felt, it is hard to admit that i was actually thinking about ending everything.

And i will do it for my own sake. I have probably been too tight lipped about the matter.
I now consider the fact that since i kept things to myself, it might have changed how I am/was recieved. My thoughts then were misguided attempts to protect the marriage. Ie not their business, i probably would have told them if R would have been "successful".

It will get better.