SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

…my ex husband and I divorced about a year ago after I found out he had been cheating with a younger woman at his work. I know, probably all too common.

The divorce has been relatively easy for the most part, he has not pushed back and we have remained as amicable as one could expect given the situation

Fast forward to today and I get a random message from a much older former colleague of his. I had always been a bit smitten with him, he is incredibly kind, intellectual, and the rugged masculine type.

But here I am feeling a bit guilty, I am no longer married but given their history I am feeling somewhat awful for being interested in him. Surely this is not appropriate, is it?!

Dude, go for it. Your xWH fired you from the job of wife. He forfeited the right to influence the direction of your life, and your love life is none of his fckn business. Don’t miss out on a chance to be happy just because it might be awkward for your EX.

That is really good advice and the right perspective. Not sure why I care so much about hurting him potentially considering what he decided to do when we were married

I think you are worried your XH will throw this back in your face and try to attempt to paint you as a cheater.

Except his opinion or thoughts no longer matter.

Do what you wish.

If I understand correctly you saying you were smitten by this guy was a positive impression like appreciative but with no fantasy pursuit or indulgence into flirtation and such right?

If that’s so, then you simply liked a man as from a female perspective but you didn’t felt attracted in pursuing him. That’s not cheating, that’s natural detached sexual appreciation (which is different from attraction).

The kind of difference that you see in "that person is attractive " and "I am attracted by that person ". The first has no pull, no gravity, just appreciation.

And you didn’t feel it because you were in a relationship, you had your boundaries set and respected them, respected your self, respected your man at the time, respected your relationship.

Now you are single, the relationship is over, and its boundaries are gone.

You are a woman who wants to live, love and be with somebody who can reciprocate in kind.

What is to say more about it? Go get that coffe, dust off that nice dress, I know you want it and blessed be you with that! ;)

I think you are worried your XH will throw this back in your face and try to attempt to paint you as a cheater.

Except his opinion or thoughts no longer matter.

Do what you wish.

He took away your attachment, your love, your agency for a dopamine ego boost.

You were never asked, you were never given a choice or a say in that.

You have been lied and reduced to a dehumanized placeholder in the void of a fantasy spawned from low self wort.

In a sentence, he stole your agency.

Now you started to reclaim it and the divorced settled clearly where the new boundaries are: he is out of your world, banished for life, and he can only amicably visit your antechamber, if you so allow.

But the door in is walled over for him, because He already took your agency away and burned all that was sacred inside with his accomplice the AP.

You fear he’s entitled to keep sequestering your agency and emotions even after he was exiled?

Fuck that! Not a chance dude, this time is you who have no say at all.

And the Karma taste is just sweet sometimes.

Enjoy your date sister💪

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 10:43 AM, Wednesday, July 22nd]