This shit is hard when you aren't built for it.
I don't think anyone is "built" for it.
People who do handle (as in built for it) - are experienced and/or trained. (IC)
Then I want to know if you are still where you have been for a while is because you won't give up or make changes in yourself that will FORCE changes in your relationship?
There is no way you can make someone love you. Give that some thought.
Depending on your definition of "broke" - some are broke for a short period of time. Others - decades. Infidelity is a gift that never goes away. -a memory for life-
Might do you some good to get a book to study:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. (Author)
didn't kill the memories for me - but I learned to deal with them
The memories you have (Diary contents) - er, well, uh? - I'm thinking you are still operating on wishes.
Time to move on?
Edit? Thinking a bit more - Ya, you should move on - get rid of the Albatross!
[This message edited by Hippo16 at 5:19 AM, Wednesday, July 22nd]
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."